Best joke in 2014

Wife : Shall I prepare Sambhar or Rasam today . Husband : First make it, we will name it later ??
           -----------"""------------

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop::::::;
Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
        -----------"""""''''--------------

A married man's prayer;

Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away.

U gave me youth, u took it away.

U gave me a wife.., Its been years now, ----------
just reminding u......
       ----------"""""----------

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"

Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"
         ------------"""""-------------

Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
??????
     ----------"""""----------
Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??

Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !
         ----------"""""------------
A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE?

Nooooo! That was the deal
     ----------"""''"'"''----------
A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: Honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: That's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.
          -----------""""""""""------------

Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :

"Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed"
          -------------"""""""""""------------
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic , fell into a river , and all of them died .

Each husband cried for a week , but

One husband continued for more than two weeks !!!
When asked wether he missed his wife so much ?
he replied miserably :
No
My wife missed the bus !!!

      --------------------------+--------

In heaven God told all husbands & wives to gather for a meeting!
He told the men to stand in two queues...
Those who are controlled by their wives & those who control their wives!

Only 1 man stood in d second Queue...

God said "So you control ur wife?"

Man: "R u CRAZY ???
My wife told me to stand here"??????...
_-----_-_----------_;------------------
Killer!!!!!!! ????????
If Flipkart starts matrimonial services ??, they will become the No.1 site in the world ?? because they have a 30 day return ??policy no questions asked
????????????

Dont laugh alone, share with others????